In My Own Little Corner

MY MINDFUL YEAR - JULY



I finally cleaned out my old room on Long Island.

For a while (ahem, 10 years), I've been meaning to go through the memories and tchotchkes and clothes and papers and books in my family's home. The task always seemed a bit too daunting.

When I left home for good and moved out on my own, I boxed things up and stored them in my old room, the basement, and the garage. Then Hurricane Sandy happened and suddenly I had a lot less stuff to go through. So my big plans of sorting and organizing fell to the wayside. However, when my brother started making plans to propose to his girlfriend, I knew it was time. After all, the house on Dover Road will one day soon be his.

This wasn't a complete nostalgia fest since this wasn't the house where I grew up -- my family moved to Oceanside when I was in the twelfth grade. I'd gotten special permission to finish out my senior year of high school in Valley Stream, 3 towns away. After school, I often stopped by my grandma's home in Valley Stream to hang out, do a bit of homework, and eat a snack. My high school boyfriend lived in Carle Place and, since his car was the same Jeep model featured in the original Jurassic Park movie, I usually drove to his neck of the woods for dates. Plus he lived near the mall. Also, minimal time was spent at home during my few free hours since I was 18 years old, working a part time job, and soaking up my last bit of summer before venturing off to college.

When I came home from college during breaks, this was where I hung my hat (and left all my stuff). But those breaks were only ever for a few weeks as I often took classes during winter and summer terms and spent a summer studying abroad. After college, I lived on Long Island and commuted into NYC for a year before moving into my first studio apartment in 2008. And in the ten years since then, I stay overnight on Long Island only a few times a year.

Somehow, despite not really ever truly living there, I amassed a lot of stuff that I stored there. So I dedicated an entire day to clearing, sorting, and discarding. I tossed a lot of stuff. I donated a lot of stuff. I knew I didn't have a ton of space to store more stuff in NYC, so I became pretty ruthless with my editing. I still have a bit more work to do before the room is completely cleared out, but it will be a fairly easy undertaking since everything is in order and contained to one room.

One day, when space is needed for other occupants (a niece or nephew perhaps?), I'll complete the task. And each time I visit, I vow to go through at least one of the neatly arranged assortments of stuff I have waiting for me.

But for now, it feels good to have made some headway on a project I'd long put off.

You Make Me Feel Like A Natural Woman

MY MINDFUL YEAR - JUNE



Continuing on the theme of trying to be more mindful of the stuff that enters my body, I decided to switch to an all-natural deodorant.

There's a lot of crap in drugstore mass-produced deodorants. Parabens are linked to breast cancer - bad. Aluminum is linked to Alzheimer's Disease - bad. Triclosen, Seareths, TEA and DEA contain carcinogens - bad, bad, and bad. I've been putting these things into my body multiple times a day every single day for years.

It was time for a change.

But this change was...sweat inducing! I've always been a sweaty lady. I don't end a run with a dainty glow. I finish with a red sweaty face and a body to match. When I'm nervous, I sweat. A lot. My favorite season is winter in large part due to the sweaty grossness of summer in NYC. And my sweat does not smell sweet. It smells like sweat.

My old routine looked like this: Each morning I applied deodorant with antiperspirant. Before bed time, I applied clinical strength antiperspirant. My underarms were basically wearing sweat-proof armor.

The cold turkey approach was a little too ambitious for me. So when my clinical strength stick ran out, I just stopped my nightly application of the stuff. Surprisingly, I noticed no difference whatsoever. This was very encouraging!

When it came time to swap out my tried-and-true Donna Karan Cashmere to a natural brand, it took some trial-and-error. And it turned out to be a treacherous journey.

• The Honest Company's lavender spray deodorant smelled like a spa but was 100% ineffective. (And I really did try, one day with 10 applications of the stuff!) 
• Lavanila original stick was not super effective and caused a chemical burn (OUCH!). 
• Native's sensitive skin formula in cotton lily smelled fantastic and worked wonderfully at preventing odor but left me with a gnarly red, bumpy rash (EEK!). 
• Schmidt's for sensitive skin worked and I didn't have any reaction at all. BUT the scent options were less than desirable. I tried 5 in total:
• 1: virgin pina colada (no)
• 2: the scent of the carpeting in a Bikram Yoga class (no, gross)
• 3: that indistinguishable smell of the inside of an old woman's purse (oh hell no)
• 4: lots and lots and lots of lavender (maybe too much lavender for me)
• 5: tea (it actually smells pretty nice with my body chemistry)

My new routine looks like this: Each morning I apply some natural deodorant after my shower. I carry around a travel size deodorant at all times and re-apply if I need it. Before bed time, I wash my underarms with a mild soap.

Now I wear natural deodorant every day and I smell like a fresh cup of jasmine tea. I do sweat but my clothes don't have any yellow pit stains anymore. Most importantly, I'm mindful about this habit. And it feels pretty great to be doing something good for my body.

UPDATE: I now use Schmidt's Rose & Vanilla as I quickly learned the lovely tea scent does not hold up to a sticky, sweaty, NYC subway.

You Are What You Eat

MY MINDFUL YEAR - MAY




After committing to a regular routine at the gym and getting mindful about my fitness, I decided to take a look at my eating habits.

I've always envied the people who can eat whatever they want and not suffer the consequences. Because if I ate whatever I wanted (mainly salty, fatty, and sugary foods), I would have awful skin, weigh a ton, and feel sluggish all the time. I also wouldn't be getting the proper nutrients for organ function, digestion, etc.

Over the course of my life, starting at the ripe young age of 5, I've had issues with food. I began to obsess about my body weight while I was learning how to color inside the lines. This was partly due to what was portrayed in the media, partly because of my involvement in dance and gymnastics, and partly thanks to the mean kids on the playground.

My mom very smartly took me to a nutritionist when I was in kindergarten. I went weekly for a few months and learned why humans must eat to stay alive and how food fuels the body. I firmly believe that this is the reason I didn't develop an eating disorder as a young child.

Starting then, I tried my best to fuel my body healthfully and make smart decisions while also accepting my body for the wonderful vessel it is.

And yet...

I still longed to be slim like a ballerina, tall like a supermodel, and have all the right curves like my favorite celebrities.

I've tried many many diets over the years: Weight Watchers, Jenny Craig, Slim Fast, Atkins, juicing, the cabbage soup diet, and so many others. But diets never really work for me -- I'm never able to totally keep off the weight I lose. The rules make me want to be a straight A student but there's no end goal to a diet. When I reach my goal weight I don't graduate but I do stop following the diet that got me there.

I also become obsessive while on a diet. Counting grapes. Brushing my teeth after eating a cracker. Trying to figure out the calories in 1/4 of a York Peppermint Patty. Feeling overwhelming shame for eating 3 Starburst candies. And, I'm not proud to say it, binge eating my angry/sad/guilty feelings when I "mess up" the diet. These are not healthy habits.

I knew that if I wanted to be mindful, I had to think about my mind. And diets are not good for my head. After all, weight is just a number on the scale and while it's a measure of health, it's just one of many.

So I sat down with a nutritionist. She gave me a few guidelines. No diet. No strictness. No calorie counting. No goal weight. The only goal was to make healthier choices.

My first visit included an overall health assessment and an assignment before my next visit: document everything I eat, and at what time I eat it. I was encouraged to eat fiber and protein at every meal, stay away from carb only snacks, and steer clear of too much sugar.

When I went back for my first follow up, I had lost a few pounds but more importantly, I realized that my skin was clearer, I felt less bloated, and I didn't crave tons of sugar. I also didn't feel a ton of pressure to reach my goal weight because there was no number to reach. My goal was already being attained by being more mindful of my food.

We added a few more guidelines like aim to fast for 10-12 hours each day overnight to give my digestive system a rest. And, in order to keep myself from derailing down a shame spiral of binge eating, to never "give up" for the day if I eat an unhealthy snack. Her words were: enjoy the hell out of that snack and move on.

The most helpful thing I learned from my nutritionist: food is just food. There's no good food or bad food. But the choices I make can be good or bad. For example are cookies bad? No. I can eat one or two and it's totally fine. But if I ate 20 in 1 sitting, that's not a good choice. But if I do happen to rip through a sleeve of thin mints, I'll enjoy the hell out of them and then eat mostly veggies the rest of the day.

I'm not perfect. But now I'm mindful of what I eat. After all...