Artistic Differences

I was talking with one of my friends who met his wife at his last job and it got me thinking about how I came to the decision that I would never "dip my pen in the company ink."

Back in the summer of 2008, I went on a "just ok" date with a very nice man from Brazil. He was cute, funny, smart, and very artistic (he's a comic book artist and an art professor) with a beautiful sexy accent. We just didn't have anything in common and there was no chemistry. We went to lunch and he was a perfect gentleman. I thanked him and then we didn't speak for a few weeks. I thought - well at least he wasn't a crazy....

...Until I received a care package at work from him complete with a mixed CD, drawings of french horns (that were actually very well done), and a very genuine and sweet note professing his interest in me. This was 3 weeks after our first and only date. We hadn't communicated much since that first date. Aside from coming on a bit too strong, I found it a bit inappropriate that this overzealous artist sent personal materials to my work address without knowing me very well. I felt uncomfortable. Maybe if he had sent this by e-mail or to my home address (not that I would give out my home address to a guy I went on one date with and didn't click with), I would have given him another shot. I thanked him and again rejected him politely. He took the hint. Or so I thought.

After a year of not hearing from him, he sent an e-mail to my work e-mail address asking if I was single and if I would be interested in giving him another shot. While the gesture was sweet, I was completely creeped out and told him I had a boyfriend. I didn't have a boyfriend. While I was still polite, I was a bit more firm this time. It was seriously awkward to have a former date e-mail me at my place of work. This was the third and final rejection.

Where is it appropriate to draw the line between personal and professional life? In my opinion, my professional and dating worlds should not collide until there is a clearly defined relationship in every sense of the word (Facebook status change, introduction to each others families, a few months of commitment under your belt). Personally, I would never date a coworker. it's just a line I would not cross. Is that old-fashioned? Maybe. But I guess I'm an old-fashioned gal.

Secret Life of the American 20-Something

We met at a bar that Mr. Not-Quite-Right had suggested. Upon walking in and realizing that there was a serious renovation in the works, we headed to a second venue - a very quaint wine bar across the street. There were no available seats. We headed to a third venue - another wine bar a few blocks away. It seemed like a rocky start but I had an open mind and he seemed so wonderful on paper so I had to give him a fair try. We grabbed a table and ordered a glass of wine each.

I nursed my glass for an hour before there was just no more pretending and I downed the last sip. A half hour after my glass was taken away, my very observant date realized that I was without drink. He told me he would be finished with his glass soon also and that he was wiped after a long day of work and needed to go to sleep. He still had a good half glass left and I knew the date wasn't going to be over for a while. The waiter took pity on me and brought us an appetizer on the house....while my date droned on about himself and his friends from high school and his trip to Israel and his fairly new job and lord knows what else. He couldn't remember anything we'd talked about previously (not where I was from, not where I worked, not anything). So he focused our date on himself. If he asked me a question and I chose to answer with an anecdote or story, he usually cut me off with an "even funnier" or "even better" story of his own. I started to check out of the conversation and resorted to polite nods, friendly smiles, and the occasional "wow! that's so interesting."

I kept staring at my watch wondering if I would be home in time to make the season premiere of "The Secret Life of the American Teen." But I was having a secret life in my head - thinking about almost anything but the date I was on. What was I going to order for dinner when I got home? I wonder what repertoire I'll be playing tomorrow night at rehearsal. How do those teens on that silly ABC family TV show always end up pregnant? Haven't they learned anything? Is something wrong with me that I'm worried about my problems when they pale in comparison to those of the silly teens on that silly show? Are other couples at this bar on first dates? I wonder what they're thinking about. I wonder if any of them are as miserable as I am. I wonder if anyone else in here would rather be watching "The Secret Life of the American Teen." Do teens these day really talk about sex with their parents so often? Why in the world is this show so addicting?

Prince Not-So-Charming

I met a guy from Iowa online. We chatted a bunch and he was fairly attentive. He's an architect with a nice smile and an interest in the arts. It seemed like we were off to a great start.

He asked me to dinner at a beautiful restaurant on the Upper West Side, Isabella's. I was impressed. We met there and things were going great. Actually, conversation was better than normal - we had a lot in common, he complimented my dress, and he remembered things we'd talked about on the phone. I thought to myself - FINALLY a normal guy....

Somehow we ended up on the topic of weddings (he is in a wedding party for an affair next week and was talking about his awesome tux). He asked if I wanted to have a religious ceremony and I told him that I wasn't a super religious Jew, and in fact considered myself more of a cultural Jew. He then told me that he tries not to use the word "Jew" because he thought it was derogatory. I told him it wasn't derogatory. He proceeded to tell me that he used to tease his dad growing up and called him "Jew-y" whenever he was being frugal aka cheap. I told him that was a derogatory use of the word Jew. He said that he thought that Jews were all kind of cheap. I told him that it was a stereotype. He then asked me if I considered myself white since I was Jewish. I said "of course I do! Judaism is a religion not a race." He seemed content with my answer. When the check came he told me not to worry about it because he has spent more on first dates in the past - what a charmer. I wasn't sure if that was in reference to the innate frugality that he assumed all Jews are born with or if he was trying to make me feel better about not paying. Either way, I felt insulted and was ready for the date to be over.

A lesson for the men out there - racism is not cute or funny. Especially when you are talking about the culture, race, or religion of your date. Although I'm happy I was able to give him a lesson on the Jewish culture/faith, I won't be going out with this corn-fed ignoramus again.


This girl probably learned her lesson with all the hate mail she's received....

But this guy certainly had a sense of humor about it.

NYC Adventures with a Baltimore girl

Michele, my college roommate, came for a visit this weekend. We packed in as much as we could in the limited time we had together. Having a guest for the weekend is a great excuse to do fun New York things.

Friday night, we had delicious dinner at Cascabel Taqueria followed by some bar-hopping in my neighborhood.

Saturday we got an early start to the day. We had brunch at Le Pain Quotidien before heading to The High Line. The views were beautiful. There were chaise lounges on the old tracks - we parked there for a bit to relax and take in the view. There were even flowers peeking out from under the brush.



After getting some incredible deals at a sample sale and eating sweet treats at the Chelsea Market, we headed back to my apartment to prepare for the night. A quick nap and some freshening up and we were off to Lincoln Center to walk around with big pretzels before heading to Juilliard for an Admissions work-study student's Master's vocal recital. He sang beautifully. We topped off the day with a sushi dinner complete with a whole bottle of sake before hitting the town.

Sunday we grabbed bagels before I dropped Michele off at the bus stop.

It had been a year and a half since Michele's last visit to New York. Michele noted that that was 2 boyfriends ago in Toni time. It's so important to me that Michele and I have maintained our friendship after college. We've both made a serious resolution to visit each other more regularly. So far in 2011, we've been doing a great job!

You drive me crazy

I went on a first date with a guy last week. I picked the venue - a hip bar on the UES. Although he showed up late, I was in good spirits and decided to be open minded. He forgot my name but recovered gracefully. I ended up having a fun time and I decided to give this guy (who is very attractive, tall, and went to an ivy league school) another shot.

We met up at a bar around the corner. The conversation was going great and he treated me to a few beers. He walked me to my door and we were kissing in front of my building. I invited him up to my apartment since I didn't want to make a spectacle on the street - I made it very very clear that the only thing would be doing was kissing. Like any respectable guy, he told me that he respected that and would not try a thing. I believed him - he was extremely respectful. He came up and we kissed some more.

Then he said he had something to tell me - he has bipolar disorder and he's manic depressive. Not only that but he's never been in a relationship. In fact, he has trouble dating in general because he is so nervous and depressed about dating. After I explained that things would get better and he would be alright, he proceeded to get up, collect his things and leave. He made it clear that he was not interested in another date.

Lesson learned: Don't date a crazy.

The Beat Goes On

Back in December, I played The Nutcracker with the South Shore Symphony. A percussionist from the orchestra and I started chatting during one of the breaks. I had a boyfriend at the time so I didn't think much of it. He sent me an adorable e-mail asking me out a few days later and I followed up with a polite decline as I was spoken for. A few weeks later, Dennis and I broke up. I decided to take a chance and e-mail the percussionist back asking if he would still be interested in taking me out - He was!

We went on one really amazing date in January and 2 weeks later, another very fun date. He was a gentleman in every sense of the word, cute, smart, funny, artsy. I thought we had a lot of potential....until I didn't hear from him for 3 weeks.

Although he has a lot of great qualities, I won't be going out with him again even if he does pop up some time in the future. I can't have a boyfriend that is too flaky to call me. Plus, if he really was interested, he could take 10 seconds out of his day to send me a text letting me know that he is thinking about me. Is it too much to ask for a phone call these days?

I'll be marching to the beat of a different drummer...

Men with babies are sexy

A few nights ago, I went out on a first date. He was funny, good looking, and intelligent. He has a fabulous job and he lives in a one bedroom in one of my favorite neighborhoods in the city, the East Village. After a few e-mails back and forth, we met in person for drinks at a renovated speak easy in Gramercy - such a cool place! The drinks were great, the conversation was going well. We talked about our careers, college, living in the city...all of the normal things to cover on a first date.

Somehow we ended up talking about a few of our married friends (I have one married coworker who is expecting a baby boy and I am very very excited for him). He went off on a tirade about how he is totally not interested in children. He wouldn't know what to do with one. He made remarks like "How does one play?" and "Why in the world would someone want a child? What a hassle." I tried to refocus the conversation on the fact that the people we were talking about were married - as in part of a committed unit looking to build a family. He then went on to talk about his lack of interest in commitment letting me know that "he's not a phone person" and "doesn't usually respond to texts"...He told me about his idea of an ideal date. A reverse brunch where you sleep with someone first and take them out for a meal the next morning...He must have noticed the horrified look on my face because although he paid for my drinks, walked me to the subway, and gave me a very gentlemanly kiss goodnight, I haven't heard from him.

The overall date was just fine - not a horror story but not a success story either. Needless to say, this guy is not for me...

Because one day I definitely want some version of this:

The Turkish Guido and The Delaware Hermit

Two very different dating adventures...

The Turkish Guido
A few weeks ago, I went out with a guy I had met online. He seemed charming albeit a little "Jersey Shore" for my taste. (Waxed eyebrows, likes clubbing, fake tan). I decided to give it a shot. He'd neglected to tell me that he was a New York transplant from Turkey. Not only was he a GTL kinda guy, but also he had a thick Turkish accent. In addition, he was a good 3 or 4 inches shorter than his profile had indicated. We weren't exactly off to a great start but I was still optimistic. I met him at a lovely restaurant on the Lower East Side where he hadn't made a reservation (another strike). Luckily, we secured a table and ordered some upscale beer and really delicious food (the cuisine was fancy comfort food). An older man in a suit who was pretty sauced, accidentally sat on me. My date graciously offered to switch tables. The older man offered to buy me a drink which I declined. He proceeded to flop onto a seat near our table and practically pass out until two women (presumably coworkers) carted him away. We laughed it off. It broke the ice. After about a half hour of conversation, I knew he wasn't for me. I was a good sport and stuck it out. He was super nice, paid for my meal and waited with me at the bus stop for my bus back to the UES. I text-ed him a thank you for the evening. A few days later, he called. It's Internet dating etiquette to disappear after a first date if you're just not feeling it.

The Delaware Hermit
Days later, I had met a guy who went to UD who had graduated in '07 and had lived in the same dorm as me sophomore year one floor up - what a crazy New York coincidence! I was a bit surprised that not only did I not remember him, but neither did my roommate, Michele. That should have been a red flag... I had to take him up on his date offer though - I was just so curious. Plus, he's tall, good looking, into the arts, getting his PhD at NYU - everything seemed very promising. We decided to grab dinner in Greenwich Village. The conversation was great until I asked him about Main Street. My question was seemingly harmless "What was your favorite spot on Main Street?" His reply was frightening: "Oh, I didn't go to Main Street." What?! There is only 1 street on the UD campus = MAIN STREET. Apparently he doesn't enjoy going to restaurants, the movies, bars, out for a cupcake or coffee...NOTHING! As we continued talking, it became clear to me that he and I had very different lifestyles. After 3 hours of wine sipping and pizza eating, I was ready to go home. The check came and he suggested splitting it. A gentleman ALWAYS pays on the first date. I sent him a sweet e-mail later in the week telling him that I'd like to stay in touch but only as friends. He responded very sweetly.

The "A" Team

Last night, my nonprofit finance professor had invited me along with 4 of my classmates to a fancy event at the Mandarin Oriental. I remembered this hotel from all of the press it got last year when President Obama stayed there. The 5 of us had been the "stars of the class" according to Professor Green and coincidentally, all 5 of us were Laguardia Scholarship Recipients....so it made perfect sense to him to invite us to the largest fund raising event of the year for The New School!! What an honor!

We were escorted to the 36th floor of the Mandarin to a reception area where we were greeted by a PR representative and a photographer who snapped many many pictures of us students (toasting with professors, smiling with the President of the School, talking candidly to each other).... we felt like movie stars. We had wine and stuck close together - we were the only students there!

After an hour of wine and chit-chat, we were escorted to our table for dinner in the Mandarin Ballroom. Our table consisted of our professors (one of the academic deans and the CFO), the dean for student affairs, and the program director of our college. We enjoyed some fine dining, a promotional video about The New School, and a speech given by the CEO of General Electric (this year's recipient of the Laguardia Award).

After the event, "The A Team" (we assumed this group name after our photo shoot) headed to the lounge one floor down to take in the view and discuss our VIP status.




For the first time in a long time, I felt like I had made it.