My not-so-healthy mantra during the first trimester of my second pregnancy was "are we out of the woods yet?" a la Taylor Swift.
Following my final post-miscarriage doctor's appointment in July, I was given the green light to try to get pregnant again. Alex and I enjoyed the end of the summer, traveled to Norway, and then decided to move forward and give it another try. The next month...BAM! I was pregnant again. This time around, my pregnancy journey began with cautious optimism and a whole lot of anxiety.
I went in for my first appointment just before 6 weeks after freaking out about some spotting. Luckily, my doctor was super understanding and fit me right in. An ultrasound revealed a yolk sac but I was measuring 2 days behind and I was scared out of my mind. My blood work came back normal but it was still a guessing game as to what was happening in my womb.
At 7 weeks and 3 days, I was back for another appointment. My spotting had continued on and off and I had no clue what to expect but I feared the worst. Luckily, when we heard a strong heartbeat, I cried like a baby (pun intended). My first full panel of blood work was taken and I was sent on my way with the instructions to make some lifestyle changes to ease my anxiety. I upped my meditation game, hit the gym, and talked things through with my therapist.
At 9 weeks, I was back at the OBGYN. This was probably my scariest appointment thus far because I was this far along last time around when I got some seriously bad news. The doctor explained that my lab results all came back normal. (WHEW!) We looked at the little bean on the screen again. The heartbeat was even stronger than before and I was still measuring on target. All signs were pointing toward promising results, but I was not yet resting easy since it was still so early.
During the middle of my 10th week, I went in for another scan. Everything still seemed to be on track and I even saw the cute little bean flapping its arms around. (Huge sigh of relief). I also had my NIPT (non-invasive prenatal testing) which is basically blood work that screens for some scary chromosomal stuff. The wait for results was excruciating but everything came back normal.
In my 12th week, I had a nuchal translucency ultrasound at Lenox Hill Hospital. The technician and the doctor at the hospital confirmed that everything looked like it was going well. The hospital also took another blood sample to confirm all of the findings from the NIPT. Those came back normal as well.
At week 13, I returned to my OBGYN, for a scan, the last of my first trimester. This time I met with the nurse practitioner who remarked that my little bean was particularly active and said everything looked good.
While an expecting mother is never fully out of the woods during a pregnancy, the first trimester, when most miscarriages occur, was now behind me.
If I could sum up the first third of this pregnancy in one word, it would be stressful.
Overall I was nauseous most of the time, exhausted a lot of the time, and calm almost none of the time. But, most of all, I was grateful to be pregnant. I was thankful to be the home of another beautiful little soul, but I was so hesitant to celebrate this joy. Alex and I did zero planning for a baby. We couldn't bare to go through a tremendous amount of grief again. But as the weeks continued, we finally accepted that soon enough, we could be parents!
