Parenthood: A Crash Course

The positive side to taking home a baby during a pandemic is that we had zero FOMO. We had no celebrations or trips planned. We didn't have to organize any gatherings. We hadn't planned on going out to restaurants, seeing friends, or going to large get togethers. 

The negative side to taking home a baby during the pandemic is that we flew totally solo. We had zero help at all. Not one friend or family member came over to help, hang out, or spend time with the baby. It was isolating, scary, and a little bit lonely. 

The first month of Claire's life was a blur. It felt like one very long day. Since she was so tiny, we were instructed to feed her every other hour to fatten her up. If she didn't wake up for the feeding (which she rarely did), we were instructed to wake her up. We were totally exhausted after a couple of weeks of this feeding marathon. But by week 3 it went to 2.5 hours between feeds, then 3 hours, and then we just fed her on demand. Life started to feel a little more normal. Claire started sleeping in earnest in 2-3 hour stretches and it felt like paradise. We were and still are learning Claire's rhythms. 

Since none of the grandparents quarantined with us, we had to figure a lot of stuff out on our own. Like the fact that some babies initially hate bath time so maybe don't bathe them every day. Or not to freak out when she spits up a ton. Or the many different soothing strategies we now use to put her to bed when her eyelids are heavy and she's fighting sleep. Thank goodness for the internet!

It's hard to have a sense of community when everyone is socially distant so I worked hard to make my own. I asked friends to connect me to new moms they knew - and some of them became good friends of mine! I joined a new parents group that met weekly online. I take a baby-and-me yoga class once a week. I reached out to a lot of the moms in my network with questions and to ask for advice. Even though I've seen barely any of these people in person, I feel very connected.

All things considered, Claire is a pretty wonderful baby. She isn't colicky. She eats and doesn't spit up a ton. She's not that fussy and only has one evening witching hour each day when she's insatiable and wants to eat the whole house (I can relate to that!). She's super strong and can already roll from her tummy to her back. Under normal circumstances, this would be great but right now, it's truly a dream. We are so thankful for our little angel newborn. 

At her 2 month appointment, she weighed in just under 10 pounds and measured in at 19.5 inches. A huge difference from her first days of life. 

Now that she's over 2 months and isn't considered a newborn anymore, I'm a little bit sad. I miss our tiny baby and can't believe she's growing so fast. She finally grew out of her newborn diapers at week 7 and she stopped fitting into her newborn clothes at week 10. 

I have no idea how I will be able to drop her off at daycare without a ton of tears, on my part of course. I still have a bit more maternity leave and I'm cherishing every single second of it.

The Miracle of Life

And just like that, I'm a mother!

This pregnancy was not an easy one. Coming straight off a miscarriage, dealing with some medical complications and a pandemic, moving to a new place in my third trimester...it has been a lot. But in the end, it was all worth it because we finally got to meet our lovely little girl!

My Birth Story:

Two days before my induction, I headed to a lab and was tested for COVID-19. My brother was my ride to and from the lab. A quick nose swab and a blood test confirmed that I did not have the coronavirus. What a relief! 

Two days later, it was showtime.

On a cloudy Monday morning, my brother drove Alex and I to the hospital for my induction at 9AM. We were clad in masks and I was anxious but ready.

As soon as Alex and I entered the hospital, our temperatures were taken at the front desk and we were directed to the maternity unit. On the sixth floor of Lenox Hill Hospital, we checked in again and our temperatures were taken for a second time. Then we were sent to a waiting room as they prepared for my admittance. 20 minutes later, I was escorted to triage while Alex was left behind with all of our things.

Alone in triage, I filled out a ton of paperwork, requested a private recovery room, and changed into my hospital gown and socks. I was assigned Labor and Delivery Room 3 and was taken there to meet my wonderful nurse. She evaluated me, asked me a long list of questions, set up a hep lock, took some blood, and settled me in as we awaited my doctor to start the process. At that point, Alex was finally brought to the room and I was feeling super anxious.

At 11AM, my doctor had a PA evaluate my cervix (ouch!) which was not dilated at all. After 2 attempts by hand, the PA successfully used a speculum to insert a Foley balloon. This was an extremely painful procedure and I wasn't offered any meds for it. So I had to be brave. Luckily, once the balloon was inserted, it was just uncomfortable, kind of like a big tampon. I was hooked up to an IV and given Pitocin and fluids. Labor began straight away, about 10 minutes after the IV was set up. After 6 hours of active early labor (3 minute apart contractions that came on stronger and stronger), I was finally dilated to about 3 centimeters and my doctor removed the Foley balloon - this was the most pain I've ever felt in my entire life. 

An hour more of active labor with no pain meds and I was given an epidural. The epidural itself was super painful - something I hadn't anticipated. I was given an injection of something that numbed my back so that the placement of the catheter wouldn't be as painful. I'm not sure if there was a mishap or not, but the first time the epidural was tested out, a sharp pain shot through my right leg as if it were on fire. After a few adjustments, I felt coldness in my back and my legs got super heavy. It was finally working and I was in a lot less discomfort.

By 7PM,  I was in not much pain thanks to the epidural. I rested until around 11PM. Then the contractions were becoming more pronounced and I could feel a ton of pressure as they got more intense. I didn't like the feeling of the epidural. Instead of getting surges of pain meds every 20 minutes, I waited every hour or so to push the magic button connected to my epidural catheter. The anesthesiologist came back in and topped off my epidural which helped for about an hour but then things started to get even more intense. 

At midnight, I left the magic button alone choosing to forego the epidural meds for the rest of my labor. I was in a ton of pain and muscled through the contractions. I felt a lot more sensations and pain than I thought I would with an epidural (even without pressing the magic button every hour). A doctor dropped by at 1AM to check on my cervix at my insistence - I had a gut feeling that the end of labor was near. As it turned out, my instincts were right and I was 9 centimeters dilated. At 2AM, I screamed for a nurse who arrived with a peanut ball and instructed me to lay on my side. My labor was getting super intense. My epidural was wearing off and I was hyper-aware of everything going on with my body.

At 2:15AM, I screamed for the nurse again letting her know it was almost time to push. I was left alone to breath through the contractions for what felt like forever.

At 2:45AM my doctor showed up with an intern and the nurse. I was instructed to bear down and push. Most women take between 30 minutes and 2 hours to push out the baby and I was ready to get this little one out into the world knowing this would likely be the toughest part of the experience. Unbeknownst to us me, the baby had somehow become "sunny side up" -  facing my belly button instead of my spine. I later found out that only about 30% of women with babies in this position are able to give birth vaginally (doctors typically allow a mother if a sunny side up baby 2 hours of pushing before being whisked away for a C-section). I was strong, I muscled through the bearing down. Right before the grand finale, the doctor asked if I wanted to feel the baby's head and I surprised myself by enthusiastically saying YES! It was incredible motivation to push her into the world. Miraculously, thanks to a yoga technique I'd learned in my many prenatal yoga classes, I pushed out the baby in 15 minutes! 

And this was all with a mask on.

At exactly 3:08 on the morning of May 19, 2020, I became a mom.

My baby was put on my chest as the doctors helped "massage" (they should really reconsider calling what they did a massage) out my placenta, stitched up my second degree tears, and examined my uterus.

Claire Sarah Levi measured in at 18 inches at 5 pounds 8.5 ounces. Claire needed to be put under a heat lamp to get warmed up following my bonding time and she needed to be fed formula immediately since her blood sugar was measuring dangerously low.

My epidural catheter was removed and I was wheeled to a recovery room on the fancy floor of the hospital - the one where Beyonce had Blue Ivy. It was beautiful with chandeliers, room service, brand new facilities, nurses, consultants, and liaisons at your every beck and call.

Alex and I spent only a day in the recovery room before I was discharged. It was a hectic stay with constant interruptions, my blood pressure cuff going off every 15 minutes, doctors and specialists and nurses coming in and out of the room, and my bed on an automatic sequence of movements to aid in the return of feeling to my left leg which was numb for over 24 hours after the epidural was removed.

I felt pretty horrible for the first week at home. My pelvis felt unstable and I was having trouble walking. My arm was all yellow where my hep lock had been. My abs were bruised and sore. I was still experiencing contractions here and there. My lady bits felt torn to bits. My breasts were heavy and my nipples were chapped and sore from my first attempts at breastfeeding. My legs were nearly double in size from all the fluid and my ankles were incredibly swollen. Surprisingly, the area on my spine where I received the epidural hurt most.

My blood pressure started spiking in the days after childbirth and I was given a higher dose of blood pressure medication. I monitored my blood pressure and at times it was frightening. 

My 2 week postpartum OBGYN appointment went surprisingly well! My doctor confirmed that all my parts were healing correctly and that my blood pressure readings were moving in the right direction. I had a full blood panel workup and all came back normal. 

My blood pressure levels finally returned to normal about a month after I had Claire. Each week leading up to my follow up appointment showed progress and healing on all fronts. At my 6 week postpartum OBGYN appointment, I was taken off all my meds and was told to come back in 3 months for a check-up.

And with that, my postpartum care was complete and with it, my pregnancy journey. Bringing a new life into the world is a miracle and I have never felt luckier to have a new, cute, very demanding roommate who is also my new favorite person. I'm so in love.

Pregnancy During a Pandemic

The coronavirus is sweeping the world and I'm living in the epicenter of the madness. Nothing could prepare us for a pandemic that shut down our city, changed the course of my prenatal care, and created a scary new economy. Once the outbreak of COVID-19 began in NYC, I started working from home.  I feel very grateful to have a job that's been largely unaffected by this turn of events. I also feel very scared about what could happen to my job in the future. Alex's job has been busy and I'm grateful he is able to work remotely as well. When things began to get serious, I canceled all of my social activities. My orchestral gigs were postponed. I video-chatted or called in to all of my book club meet-ups, Spark board meetings, and prenatal yoga classes.

Being pregnant through this all adds another layer of stress, anxiety, and isolation. We wear masks everywhere we go. We distance ourselves from those around us and haven't seen our families in months. We walk early in the morning at sunrise when there are few people out and about and only once or twice a week. When we lived on the Upper West Side we would walk the entire lower loop of Central Park and when we moved to the Upper East Side, we would stroll along the East River.

Alex and I took a bunch of (mainly online) classes: childbirth, CPR and infant safety, breastfeeding, and newborn care. Our hospital tour changed to virtual walk through on Instagram and a Zoom chat with my OBGYN.

Right before NYC went into lockdown, I had an advanced scan at the fetal maternal health center to check on my uterine scarring and the calcification found on the baby's heart found in the second trimester. Both looked totally fine! Phew! It was the first big scan I went to alone but I was blissfully unaware of just how lonely all of my future appointments would be since Alex was no longer allowed to come along.

I went in for my 28 week OB appointment and it was determined that I had either chronic or gestational hypertension but had not yet developed preeclampsia. The doctors' plan was to keep me pregnant for as long as possible. Typically, high risk expecting moms see their OB every week or every other week at this point in their pregnancy. But since all medical facilities were working to limit visits for patients, I waited a full month before seeing my OB again.

My 32 week appointment started with a TDAP vaccination. My blood pressure was still high and I was told to continue to monitor it and to take another 24 hour urine test.

At 34 weeks, I was back in to meet with my doctor to discuss my blood pressure. I was put on blood pressure medication and was instructed to monitor my blood pressure even more closely. I also learned that I'd be having my baby at 37 weeks.

At 35 weeks, I had to go in for the Group B Strep Test where they swabbed my lady bits to check for a particular bacteria (all was negative!). I learned that my urine test came back normal (great news!) but that I was still at risk for developing preeclampsia (not so great news). I had another full blood panel and all came back normal.

In my 36th week, I returned to the fetal maternal health center for a final advanced scan. Little lady Levi was in the perfect position and measuring in at about 6 pounds! I also had a final appointment with my OBGYN before the big event.

It has been wonderful to feel my little gal squirming around doing what can only be described as baby gymnastics. My body has changed a whole bunch. Abs, what abs? Bellybutton, what bellybutton? Oh wait there you are but you're all scary looking now! I didn't gain a tremendous amount of weight (just about 25 pounds) and I've embraced the big baby belly but very few people have even seen it.

The one positive aspect of the lockdown is that Alex and I got plenty of extra quality time together before the baby. We ate all our meals together, spent tons of time hanging out, cooking and baking, working out, and watching TV. And while we are together all the time, during the work week, we are largely in separate rooms plugging away at our jobs. 

If I could sum up my third trimester in 1 word it would be: uncertain. I've done everything I can possibly do to get ready for what's to come but I honestly have no idea what it will feel like at the hospital. I've developed a few mantras that I repeat over and over when I feel myself get overwhelmed. My favorite ones are "I can, I will, I am" and "I trust my body, I trust my baby" but I also enjoy "Healthy Body, Kind Heart" - mainly because it feels like I'm in the locker room on an episode of Friday Night Lights.

What gives me great comfort is remembering that birth is just a small blip on the radar of this little gal's life. It's not even something she'll remember. And if my first act as her mother is to stay strong for her during a crazy time at the hospital, then I will take that on with as much courage as I can muster up.