Magic

I met this guy on match.com. He took me out for sushi. The conversation was great. He has a great job, a great apartment, a great relationship with his family. He was dressed nicely and very polite. A total gentleman. He asked tons of questions about my life and tried to get an overview of who I am and what I'm most passionate about. He was everything I should want in a guy. We laughed and listened to each other. He was attentive and didn't order any alcohol. He walked me to my door. He was even cuter in person. But something was missing.

There was no spark, no tingling feelings in my stomach. I didn't want to kiss him good night and I wasn't excited to see him again. There was no magic. Usually I'm apt to give people many chances (which may be the reason why I end up finding out that my new guy is a nut job on the fifth date). But I don't think that's fair to myself or to my date.

The first date sets the stage for the rest of a relationship and if a guy can't give me even the tiniest spark of magic in our first few hours together, is there really a chance for there to be fireworks later?

Maybe. But I guess I'm just not willing to accept that for myself. I need to feel something more than that. I need to feel like there is the possibility of something special. I guess I need some kind of...something.

I thought back to that Sex and the City quote - "Some people are settling down, some people are settling, and some people refuse to settle for anything less than butterflies..."

I guess I'm still waiting to find mine.

Doctor Doctor

After speed-dating last winter, I met one really really good-looking med student. He's an artist and paints in his spare time. He lives in mid-town Manhattan and has really admirable career aspirations.

We went out for 3 months. We talked often and went on many great dates. But I started to notice something about Dr. Wonderful - he always had a drink in his hand. And his drink of choice was not beer or wine or some kind of cocktail. It was vodka on the rocks or sometimes vodka straight up. I think this means that my doctor might also have been an alcoholic but I was hesitant to jump to conclusions. Once, I brought up his frequent vodka drinks and he became fairly defensive. He explained how busy and competitive his program was and told me to lighten up... so I dropped it. Did I mention that he is really really good-looking?

After smoothing things over, we arranged to get together for dinner. We hadn't seen each other for a week and I was looking forward to seeing Dr. Handsome. So what if he likes to start the day with a vodka tonic? Is it really that big of a deal? Med school is stressful, no?

The evening of our date came around and I hadn't heard from him so I sent him a text asking what the plan was. I didn't hear back until 20 minutes before we were supposed to meet. He suggested trying for another night. Did I miss something here? We texted back and forth throughout the evening. I was out on the town with my girlfriends who helped me cope with my alcoholic not-boyfriend by feeding me a large quantity of alcohol. (Fight fire with fire? - probably not the best idea). I let him know I wasn't happy about his last minute cancellation and put my phone away.

2 days later Dr. D-bag called me to tell me that he actually canceled because he just didn't feel like seeing me. No excuse, no effort to spare my feelings. I was incredulous, totally angry, completely dumbfounded - he JUST DIDN'T FEEL LIKE IT??! I wanted a legitimate answer. He could have been: tired, stressed out, sick, hungover. He could have had a: family emergency, funeral, hospital emergency, apartment crisis. Was he really so clueless? Did he really not know the proper protocol for a date cancellation?

He asked if we could be just friends. I declined his offer and hung up the line. I don't want to be friends this alcoholic, rude, jerk...even if he is really really cute.

A sour note

Until recently, I had been dating a music teacher who lives in Manhattan. He's smart, cute, funny, and artsy - a great match for me!

Our first date was absolutely perfect. Probably one of the best first dates I've ever been on. We met at the fountain at Lincoln Center, grabbed a quick drink in Avery Fisher Hall and chatted for a bit before taking our seats. He took me to see Company performed by the New York Philharmonic with a handful of celebrities in the cast. The performance was great. Then we went out for drinks and spent 4 hours talking and drinking wine. He kissed me goodnight (a few times) and we ended the date by saying how much we were both looking forward to seeing each other again. I left for my apartment in a cab with that "I'm-so-excited-I-think-I-just-met-someone-great" feeling.

After a month of dating, things were going really well. We were getting to know each other, going out on fabulous dates, and were equally invested in whatever it was that we were starting...or so I thought.

Fast forward - We've been dating for 2 months and I begin to realize that he pays very little attention to me. He never calls. (We have only ever had 1 phone conversation). He texts me once or twice a week to check in. Usually his texts wish me a good start to the week. Then I don't hear from him for 4 or 5 days. I'm old-fashioned - I believe a girl should be pursued by a guy and not the other way around. We haven't talked about any serious topics. When we see each other things are fun but he's definitely not making an effort to build a meaningful relationship.

During our last date, I expressed my feelings to him and he agreed that we hadn't been in close contact. I felt satisfied with this acknowledgment and I left feeling hopeful. But I haven't heard from him and it's been 4 days. Not even a standard "Happy Graduation" text. I'm not waiting around for him to get his act together. Maybe he's met someone else. Maybe he's decided he's not interested. Maybe he's dating a bunch of girls and is a total player. Maybe he's really busy. Maybe he's just immature. Whatever the case, I deserve better than this.

In a world where there are 10 gillion ways to contact a person, it is inexcusable to ignore someone you've been dating for two months. It takes 10 seconds to send a text. It couldn't be easier to make a phone call (sometimes I call people without even meaning to from inside of my purse). Not to mention the hundreds of other methods of contact out there - e-mail, gchat, facebook, aim, fax, postal mail (does anyone really ever send hand-written love letters anymore?)...