Artistic Differences

I was talking with one of my friends who met his wife at his last job and it got me thinking about how I came to the decision that I would never "dip my pen in the company ink."

Back in the summer of 2008, I went on a "just ok" date with a very nice man from Brazil. He was cute, funny, smart, and very artistic (he's a comic book artist and an art professor) with a beautiful sexy accent. We just didn't have anything in common and there was no chemistry. We went to lunch and he was a perfect gentleman. I thanked him and then we didn't speak for a few weeks. I thought - well at least he wasn't a crazy....

...Until I received a care package at work from him complete with a mixed CD, drawings of french horns (that were actually very well done), and a very genuine and sweet note professing his interest in me. This was 3 weeks after our first and only date. We hadn't communicated much since that first date. Aside from coming on a bit too strong, I found it a bit inappropriate that this overzealous artist sent personal materials to my work address without knowing me very well. I felt uncomfortable. Maybe if he had sent this by e-mail or to my home address (not that I would give out my home address to a guy I went on one date with and didn't click with), I would have given him another shot. I thanked him and again rejected him politely. He took the hint. Or so I thought.

After a year of not hearing from him, he sent an e-mail to my work e-mail address asking if I was single and if I would be interested in giving him another shot. While the gesture was sweet, I was completely creeped out and told him I had a boyfriend. I didn't have a boyfriend. While I was still polite, I was a bit more firm this time. It was seriously awkward to have a former date e-mail me at my place of work. This was the third and final rejection.

Where is it appropriate to draw the line between personal and professional life? In my opinion, my professional and dating worlds should not collide until there is a clearly defined relationship in every sense of the word (Facebook status change, introduction to each others families, a few months of commitment under your belt). Personally, I would never date a coworker. it's just a line I would not cross. Is that old-fashioned? Maybe. But I guess I'm an old-fashioned gal.

Secret Life of the American 20-Something

We met at a bar that Mr. Not-Quite-Right had suggested. Upon walking in and realizing that there was a serious renovation in the works, we headed to a second venue - a very quaint wine bar across the street. There were no available seats. We headed to a third venue - another wine bar a few blocks away. It seemed like a rocky start but I had an open mind and he seemed so wonderful on paper so I had to give him a fair try. We grabbed a table and ordered a glass of wine each.

I nursed my glass for an hour before there was just no more pretending and I downed the last sip. A half hour after my glass was taken away, my very observant date realized that I was without drink. He told me he would be finished with his glass soon also and that he was wiped after a long day of work and needed to go to sleep. He still had a good half glass left and I knew the date wasn't going to be over for a while. The waiter took pity on me and brought us an appetizer on the house....while my date droned on about himself and his friends from high school and his trip to Israel and his fairly new job and lord knows what else. He couldn't remember anything we'd talked about previously (not where I was from, not where I worked, not anything). So he focused our date on himself. If he asked me a question and I chose to answer with an anecdote or story, he usually cut me off with an "even funnier" or "even better" story of his own. I started to check out of the conversation and resorted to polite nods, friendly smiles, and the occasional "wow! that's so interesting."

I kept staring at my watch wondering if I would be home in time to make the season premiere of "The Secret Life of the American Teen." But I was having a secret life in my head - thinking about almost anything but the date I was on. What was I going to order for dinner when I got home? I wonder what repertoire I'll be playing tomorrow night at rehearsal. How do those teens on that silly ABC family TV show always end up pregnant? Haven't they learned anything? Is something wrong with me that I'm worried about my problems when they pale in comparison to those of the silly teens on that silly show? Are other couples at this bar on first dates? I wonder what they're thinking about. I wonder if any of them are as miserable as I am. I wonder if anyone else in here would rather be watching "The Secret Life of the American Teen." Do teens these day really talk about sex with their parents so often? Why in the world is this show so addicting?

Prince Not-So-Charming

I met a guy from Iowa online. We chatted a bunch and he was fairly attentive. He's an architect with a nice smile and an interest in the arts. It seemed like we were off to a great start.

He asked me to dinner at a beautiful restaurant on the Upper West Side, Isabella's. I was impressed. We met there and things were going great. Actually, conversation was better than normal - we had a lot in common, he complimented my dress, and he remembered things we'd talked about on the phone. I thought to myself - FINALLY a normal guy....

Somehow we ended up on the topic of weddings (he is in a wedding party for an affair next week and was talking about his awesome tux). He asked if I wanted to have a religious ceremony and I told him that I wasn't a super religious Jew, and in fact considered myself more of a cultural Jew. He then told me that he tries not to use the word "Jew" because he thought it was derogatory. I told him it wasn't derogatory. He proceeded to tell me that he used to tease his dad growing up and called him "Jew-y" whenever he was being frugal aka cheap. I told him that was a derogatory use of the word Jew. He said that he thought that Jews were all kind of cheap. I told him that it was a stereotype. He then asked me if I considered myself white since I was Jewish. I said "of course I do! Judaism is a religion not a race." He seemed content with my answer. When the check came he told me not to worry about it because he has spent more on first dates in the past - what a charmer. I wasn't sure if that was in reference to the innate frugality that he assumed all Jews are born with or if he was trying to make me feel better about not paying. Either way, I felt insulted and was ready for the date to be over.

A lesson for the men out there - racism is not cute or funny. Especially when you are talking about the culture, race, or religion of your date. Although I'm happy I was able to give him a lesson on the Jewish culture/faith, I won't be going out with this corn-fed ignoramus again.


This girl probably learned her lesson with all the hate mail she's received....

But this guy certainly had a sense of humor about it.