Vanishing Act

I met a guy on jdate who I have a ton in common with. We were just so compatible on paper.

From Long Island, a fundraiser at a nonprofit, lives on the Upper East Side. Things were off to a good start - he treated me to a delicious lunch. We made a second date for dinner and he kissed me good night but it was clear that sparks weren't flying. The conversation felt forced and the kiss had no passion behind it. We said goodnight and went our seperate ways. While he's not a total dud, he's not the guy for me. I didn't expect to hear from him again.

A week later, I received a text from him letting him know that while he enjoyed getting to know me, it just wasn't going to work out. He wished me well. I didn't respond.

Some guys choose to send this "cut off text" while others vanish. Sometimes I prefer the closure while other times, I appreciate the text. I go back and forth - do I want some sort of ending to each love story or is it better to let the relationship run its course and disappear?

Occasionally, I will send a cut off text to a particularly interested dude who can't take a hint. In general, I let things fade out - partly because I don't like the confrontational tone of a cut off text and partly because I assume that a guy I've been out with can get the sense that things are not working out from our in-person experiences.

The vanishing act happens all the time in dating. I'm no magician, but if the magic isn't working, it's time to get the heck off the stage and start looking for another rabbit in a different hat. Hopefully he'll be as cute as this guy:

New Girl

This week I started my new job. My first three days were filled with Orientation sessions, a medical exam, and tons of meetings and introductions.

It felt a bit like grade school - a lot of hand raising, guest speakers (a la career day), corny jokes, and snack breaks.

It was exciting to hear about the organization, meet new coworkers, and become acquainted with my work space.

It's always scary to walk into a situation where you're the new girl. Is this new group going to be nice? Will they be the types of people I can hang out with after work? Are they a bunch of mean girls?

So far, my new office mates seem nice. Many of them have gone out of their way to help me feel comfortable - bringing me snacks, offering help with everything from my phone line to my printing needs. It's nice to know that I have some support as I begin this next phase of my career. I'm very excited to be a part of the office. A nervous, enthusiastic, happy kind of excited. It feels a bit like transferring high schools...

But hey, it all worked out for Gabriela in High School Musical. If only it were appropriate to break into song in the hallways of my new office...

On the other hand, I think I'll keep my vocal expressions to myself.

Location Location Location

About 3 years ago, I went out with the cutest architect. He spoke like a surfer and had great hair. We went on a few awesome dates.

On our last date we had dinner in Chelsea at a really awesome restaurant. After we left the restaurant, he asked if I'd be up for getting a drink and I agreed. He chose a nearby watering hole. It had a good crowd for a week night. We ordered our drinks and took seats at the bar. When the clock struck 10, the entire place turned into a gay dance club complete with half naked professional dancers, disco balls that dropped from the ceiling, and loud house music. I starting laughing. He was extremely embarrassed and looked uncomfortable. I admit, it was a bit awkward but nothing too outrageous. He downed his drink and I followed suit. We walked to the subway together and parted ways. I never heard from him again.

But it got me thinking - is the location of the date really that important? Isn't the company your with the most important part of the date? If this surfer architect can't handle a silly gay bar mishap, what other insecurities could be lurking underneath the surface? If he was worth my time, he would have brushed it off and had a nice laugh.

Dating is not all walks on the beach and picnics in the park. But when things go south, the only thing to do is laugh it off.